Sudden Mood Swings in Samara

While most of my posts have fortunately been on the sun shiny side of life abroad, it should be expected that days will surface when fog is all one can see. The obvious strange version of culture shock I sometimes suffer has slipped in again. It's different than the first bout a month ago, but it still makes my brain buzz in a somewhat maddening way. I am sorry for this more unpleasant post, but after some thought, I believe it is also good to write about the hard days as much as the fun days being here in Russia.

A few weeks back Jeremy and I had dinner with Alison and her roommate, another fulbrighter, Dan. Dan mentioned that extroverts are more likely to be missing adequate levels of serotonin, so to make up for it we generate extra by way of our socializing. Introverts usually have a nice stable amount of the lovely chemical, less likely to endure roller coaster symptoms. It definitely made sense to Jeremy and myself. I wonder if that is what I am sitting in, my very own Baba Yaga butter churn flying high and low. To tell you the truth, I can't quite put my finger on why. One part of me is saying,"When the hell are you going to stay put, Jenevieve? I would really like to have my own waffle iron and a nice tube to punch out sugar cookies for Christmas!" And I lament, I understand this funny domestic woman living inside me. She wants a nice place full of color. She wants to cook new delights, but that woman (maybe her clock is ticking louder than the baby one!) will have to be muffled eventually. I suppose this disgruntled cook in me should have a chance to vent now and again. Maybe then she can keep quiet for awhile. But I am afraid if I dwell on her thoughts too much, I won't enjoy my time here.

And I have been, enjoying my time. This turn of events isn't like our others. There is no set schedule, no boss listening in on lessons, no finals to create and then destroy before some one gets their hands on a copy and sends it out into the internet. Maybe too much free time has bound me more closely into this introspective mode. I am sure I will wiggle my way out of it. Buddha says "all things change" and it's very true. This always gives me hope. Whatever has wrapped itself around me will have to let go. Life can return to normal for awhile. Such movement is constant.